Monthly Archives: February 2016

Loving Valentines For The Family!

The Pastors Pen Logo smallDear Church Family,

Ahhhhh, Love is in the air! February is thought of by many as the month of love. And we all know that love is what makes the world go round, right? Well some are probably wondering What’s love got to do with it? Okay, okay I will stop the cheesy one liner song title clichés. Love, relationships and family are serious business. We are different, men and women. And how we are romanced is different. Marriage is tougher than growing a garden but similar in that both have to be maintained and weeded for the best to survive and be enjoyed. So let me take just a few moments of your time to share some things which may enhance you love life, relationships and family life.

Romancing The Ladies:

When asked to describe the purpose of romance, a woman will use words such as friendship, relationship, endearment, and tenderness. Given the same question, a man will answer with one of the shortest words in the English language—sex. For him, physical oneness and affirmation of his manhood equal romance.

Can two people with such different perspectives have their expectations met? Absolutely! But creating adventurous romance requires planning and enthusiastic effort. The relationship has to be a top priority. One reason so many marriage beds are frozen over or boring is that couples just don’t have time for romance and sex. Too many husbands and wives try to work sex in between the evening news and late night talk shows.

Let’s face it. Many of our activities and other important things get the best of our resources and energy. Jobs get our best. Children get our best. Church work gets, well some of our best. But are we saving any of our best for romance in marriage?

When we had Shari at home, Becky and I worked hard to save some of our best for each other. Shari learned over the years that Mom and Dad often like to have quiet evenings alone. When she was younger, we occasionally turned the kitchen into a famous big-time restaurant called the Becky’s Place, not the one at the Ramada Inn in Morristown, We would share a nice meal and time alone.

Later in the evening, Shari knew she was to go to her room and stay there, not coming out for anything except bathroom runs. At 9 p.m. or so, Becky and I turned our bedroom into our own romantic hide away. There we would relax. As we communicated, we were reminded of what attracted us to each other, and romance had an opportunity to ignite. We didn’t have to worry about a babysitter and didn’t have to leave the house to get away alone.

To make anything like this work, you must schedule it and then take the time to follow through. If I have learned anything in marriage, it is that romance, our relationship, and sex take time. And they deserve our best. But even the best will get lost in the shuffle life if not worked at hard.

I have spent the better part of my marriage learning and adjusting the following summary of a woman’s romantic needs. The list was developed through much observation and conversation with Becky and other women. I also have learned a great amount from the best book ever written on romance, passion, and sex—the Song of Songs in the Old Testament. And from good current biblical authors on romance of today. Obviously, a woman has more than five romantic needs, but I consider these to be the top five:

Romantic Need #1: To be spiritually ministered to by her man

Are you surprised that something to do with candy and flowers isn’t number one? A woman wants a man eager to be her protector, someone who cares not just about her security and physical needs but also (and even more importantly) about her spirituality, the well-being of her very soul.

A husband can be a spiritual protector and advocate for his wife by praying with and for her daily, putting his arms around her, and saying, “I want to ask God to bless you. I want to take any needs you have in your life right now to the Lord. And I’m going to pray for you throughout this day.” A wise husband takes the lead in sharing Scripture and eagerly initiating conversation on spiritual issues.

A husband can contribute to his wife’s spiritual well-being by giving her some time to pursue her spiritual growth. For example, he might take care of the kids by himself for the evening while she attends a Bible study.

I suggest that every young husband who wants to better understand his wife and his job description should read The Christian Husband, a book by Bob Lepine.

Romantic Need #2: To feel safe and secure with her husband

A woman needs to feel her husband’s covenantal commitment to stay married and to love her and accept her. Then she feels safe to give him the gift of who she is in the marriage relationship. The Shulammite woman, who was the object of Solomon’s passion, said, “I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine” (Song 6:3). She obviously had a strong sense of contentment and security.

A wife needs to know that romantic intimacy is just between her and her husband, that he will not share any personal details with his friends. She should not feel pressured or fearful, experiencing the love that casts out all fear (1 John 4:18).

Romantic Need #3: To share intimate conversation

According to something I read recently, the typical couple spends only four minutes a day in meaningful conversation with each other. A lot of us husbands don’t realize that for our wives to consider us romantic, we first of all have to be a great friend and a conversationalist.

Grunts and one-word answers to questions just don’t cut it! Too many women don’t feel that their husbands really need them, and bare-bones conversation confirms their sense of low personal value. Many men who were accomplished at romantic, deep conversation during courtship seem to lose this talent later. You can rediscover the groove! Make a commitment to learn to make intimate conversation a priority with your wife. You need to talk and fill her in on the details of your life—not just facts, but feelings.

When a husband sincerely shows his desire for conversation and a deepening relationship—emotional intimacy—he will find that his wife is much more interested in sexual intimacy. Her dreams, hopes, desires, and disappointments then are not divorced from the marriage bed but are a part of it.

Romantic Need #4: To receive a tender touch and hear gentle words

Before marriage, two people in love can hardly keep their hands off each other because they find the touch of their beloved thrilling. What happens after the wedding? Some couples married for a while would find a firm handshake a wildly intimate encounter. This should not be the case in a marriage. There is great power in tender touch, even if it’s just a long, full-body hug or a lingering kiss. Or the touch may be a gentle caress of her face that has no motive to make sexual demands but communicates, “I love you, Sweetheart, and I care for you tenderly.”

Gentle words have similar power. I have made a partial list of some things that I think any husband could use in complimenting and praising his wife: charm; femininity; faithfulness to God, you, your children; hard work; beauty; personality; her love, including her receptivity and responsiveness to you as a man; her advice and counsel; character; desirability; friendship—and that’s just a start. What wife won’t respond to a husband who praises her regularly with gentle words for all these qualities?

Romantic Need #5: To be pursued and set apart by her man

A wife wants a husband who will sweep her off her feet, carry her away to the castle, and say, “Let’s spend time together.” Focused attention is like precious gold in a relationship.

Your wife craves this focused attention from you. What it takes is several hours away from phones, papers and bills, and the needs of children.

A great lover

One of my favorite stories is of an interview with one of Hollywood’s biggest male stars, a man known for his prowess with the opposite sex.  At one point he was asked, “What makes a great lover?”

“Two things,” he replied.  “First of all, it is a man who can satisfy one woman over a lifetime.  And it is a man who can be satisfied with one woman for a lifetime.”

That was a great answer!  To build a strong marriage where you and your wife are experiencing oneness, you must be committed to satisfying her physical, emotional, and spiritual needs.  I hope you both enjoy a lifetime of satisfaction!

Wow! That took longer than I expected. I guess I will hit more of the issues on Romance for the man and weeding your marital garden next time. In the meantime, Have a Great Valentine’s Day, and wonder-filled month of love and be sure to Be God’s Valentine in our Church wide Fellowship.

With Many Prayers and Christian Love,

Pastor Rick Signature

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Whose Team You On?

DThe Pastors Pen Logo smallear Church Family,

For many Americans, the greatest Sunday of the year is “Super Bowl Sunday.” Hey, that is today! The Super Bowl is the National Football League Championship. It takes place the first part of every year. I came across some Super Bowl Sunday Fun Facts that I would like to share with you:

  • Most Super Bowls generate $100 million in merchandise sales bearing the Super Bowl logo.
  • The Super Bowl is the top at-home party event of the year, surpassing New Year’s Eve.
  • Super Bowl Sunday is the second largest day of food consumption per year, surpassed only by Thanksgiving.
  • The average number of people attending a Super Bowl party is 17.
  • Ninety-five percent of Super Bowl watchers watch with at least one other person.
  • Nine of the 10 most-watched TV programs of all time are Super Bowls.
  • An estimated 14,500 tons of chips and 4,000 tons of popcorn are eaten on Super Bowl Sunday.
  • The California Avocado Commission says that on Super Bowl Sunday, Americans scarf down eight million pounds of guacamole.
  • Sales of antacids increase 20 percent the day after Super Bowl Sunday.
  • Six percent of Americans will call in sick the day after Super Bowl Sunday.
  • Fifty-four percent of all Americans will drink coffee the morning after.
  • Super Bowl Weekend is the slowest weekend for weddings.
  • Sales of large screen TVs increase five times during Super Bowl Week.
  • Fans spend an average of $15 on food and drink at the stadium during Super Bowl.
  • Fans spend an average of $15 on souvenirs at the stadium.
  • Fans spend more than $50 million on food during the four days of the Super Bowl Weekend.
  • Fourteen miles of soft-drink pipeline leading to 160 dispensers serve fans at the game. (Super Bowl Sunday Fun Facts: http://www.nfl.com/fans/forher/sb_funfacts.html)

Pretty soon, the Super Bowl and all the talk and hype will be all over.  If you watch the game, you’re going to see crazy fans cheering on each of their teams.  I guarantee you that you will know who is cheering for whom.

So what does a Denver Bronco fan look like? Who plays for them?

He /she may have a jersey on, wear the team colors, have their face painted…

So what does a Carolina Panther fan look like? Who plays for them?

He / she may be blue.  They might be wearing a famous players name…

Now what does any of this have to do with God?

Well, just like we can tell who you might be cheering for who, we can also tell who your heart is living for based on the choices you make and the attitude you have.  Let’s see what these fans might look like.

What does a follower of Jesus look like?

A follower of Jesus has accepted Jesus to live in his/her heart.  He or she has asked for forgiveness of their sins and has made a choice to live for God.  They will always have sin in their lives, but they are not controlled by that sin because God gives them freedom and strength to get rid of it.

In Galatians 5:22, it says, “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.”

In 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, it says, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

When Jesus walked on this earth, he showed us how to live by the Spirit.  He taught us to love one another.  He is our best example.  A follower of Jesus lives like He lived.

What does a follower of Satan look like?

The Bible says that if you are not a follower of Christ, you are following another master.  You are following the god of this world: The Deceiver, whose name is Satan.  Jesus is not in your heart.  You do not live to know Him or make Him known.  You live for yourself.

Now remember… The signs of the Holy Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, and kindness.  That’s how we know that you follow Christ.

But if God is not in your heart, this is what lives there instead:  hatred, a lack of joy, fear, impatience, unkindness, unfaithfulness, making something or someone else your god, jealousy, thinking of only yourself, causing problems, using your tongue to hurt others, and meanness.  Someone who doesn’t have Christ does not have control of the choices they make.  They sin and sin and sin some more.

We are known by our actions.

What are you known for?

In Proverbs 20:11 it says, “Even small children are known by their actions, so is their conduct really pure and upright?”

When people see you next week, will they know that you are a football fan (or will they know that you don’t care about either team)? When your family and friends see you this week, will they know that you are a follower of Christ or a follower of the world?

Maybe some of you have never accepted Jesus as your Savior.  Maybe today, you need to become a follower of Christ.  If so, please talk with one of us here today about this. Or if you are reading this online, contact our church or me personally.

But if Jesus is in your heart, then you should be able to tell!  Your actions should prove that He has His home in your life.  You should be showing love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control.  You should be living out what it means to love.  You should be living like a crazy fan for Him today.

With Many Prayers and Christian Love,

Pastor Rick Signature

Church Phone: 423-272-7676

Church Email: hcbcoffice@bellsouth.com

Rick Dinkins phone: 423-754-0750

Email: rev_rick_7@hotmail.com

Let us know if you have questions or if you made a decision for Christ.

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